Author’s Note:  This is a converted blog post. It originally was published on 04.17.14 @ 7:53pm, US Pacific.

So here’s my deal with the whole writing thing that is so fucking out there scary. I mean – it’s my shit, and well… it’s out there, on the internet. While it was mine, on my computer, I was okay with its being in existence. Not that I am ashamed of the work or anything like that. I mean, all writers have to start somewhere. I get that it’s all part of the equation. And it’s not like I am not into public displays of my work, either. After all, I am a classically trained singer so I’ve trod a multitude of stages with audiences both large and small. So no, it’s not the public thing. Not really.

Okay, maybe it is.

Talk about the total flip-flopping – yeah, that’s me on the topic of publishing. Part of me won’t ever want to read ANY review – even if, as one published author told me, they’re “pushing so much sunshine up your backside that you get a sunburn from the experience.”

Plus, now that I have one complete novel “in the can” – so to speak, I can see how my writing has grown just from the experience of completing that first novel. I look back at the works I’ve been hammering out before and think – holy fuck, I gotta fix this! 

Then again, maybe it isn’t fixing that needs to happen. Maybe, just maybe, I just need to breathe.

There’s no reason to panic.

There’s no reason to freak.

It’s digital bytes and bits, bro. All editable. In this e-age, nothing can’t be written that you can’t elevate to v2.0 – it’s all in the marketing, right?

Yeah, MARKETING…

Now there’s something to grapple with. Even with all of the information that’s out there (almost too much of it, actually) that you really don’t know what’ll work for a budding novelist who is thinking of publishing all on his lonesome. I mean, in that way I control the distribution and keep ALL of the rights. But then again, I gotta figure out how to get it all out there.

BY MYSELF!

Okay, the hubby helps a lot too. So, that’s definitely in the big plus column. And I’ve got very honest friends who’ll tell me – yeah, that’s shit, fix it.

So I’m good there. I guess…

See? While I write about Angels, it’s this new Demon that’s come crawling out of my inner woodwork: Doubt.

But the battle rages on…

Hey, I wrote this, didn’t I?

Tags: freaking out | novel | scared | vulnerable | writing | WTF