Authors Note: I’ve moved to a self hosted WP from the web development integrated version of my blog. This was originally posted on 04.15.14 @6:49 pm 

So here’s the deal with writing: It’s one of the most excruciating and transformative processes I think you can go through. Excruciating because you feel like you’ve just laid your privates on the chopping block and don’t know if it’s gonna get whacked or not, and transformative in that through the process you discover something about yourself.<br>

Angels of Mercy was a fluke for me. You see I have like seven such novel series already outlined (complete with character studies and general location maps all ready and set to go). I just have to find the time (with a full time job tugging at my sleeve cause there’s something about keeping a roof over your head and food in the tummy that’s mighty encouraging to keep doing it) to write the damned things.<br>

Okay, I shouldn’t say damned. Because I love my stories – even if they’re still bottled up in my noggin’ and are fighting each other for their blessed release. It’s also made me innately aware of other people’s writings. And not just in print, either (‘e’ or otherwise).<br>

I’d like to think that I’m constantly growing as a writer. I mean, I’ve been doing it one way or another since I was a kid. Now on the cusp of my 50th year (yeah, I’m a total late bloomer where the aspiring novelist is concerned), I find I am really taking stock of what people say (or don’t say). How they use their words. And the revelations have been rather fascinating. <br>

But you didn’t start to read this for my bumbling stream of consciousness regarding everyone else’s writings. So what happened to me while I wrote my little book? I tossed and turned a lot in bed, I can tell you that. And no, not because the hubby was frisky (though there’s plenty of that from his quarter) – no, it was because I was overwrought with ‘was I doing my boys justice in telling their story the way I was doing it?’ <br>

That was the burning question for me. Now that the baby is with a potential publisher. I waffle even more. Did I do everything I could? Are my guys represented the way I wanted them to be? Or did I seriously just fuck it all up? I mean, I love a good mystery as much as the next guy – but I want this one solved – PRONTO! Alas, I have to wait the two long months (at minimum) for the review process to occur. It’s nothing short of maddening. Still, I press on with volume 2.

Tags: confidence | into the deep end | novel | writing